De-centering the fantasy of finding “the one” took me into another dimension of reality. I didn’t know how much my desire for love from one person, was intertwined with my energy.

I cried. I mourned a death a version of me that wanted to be with one man. To give him my all. To be his world, and for him to be mine.

I’m truly untied to the thought of belonging,

If you found someone to commit to you in this day and age—Congrats. For the rest of us, the era of monogamy is gone or a rarity at best and traditional coupling is no more.

The intention of dating has shifted which changed the dynamics of end game: marriage, starting a family and growing old together. As the current philosophies and national regime are being taken apart and reimagined, so is the intricacies of connection.

 Especially in the world of artists. Historically speaking, lack of monogamy and overwhelming levels of heartbreak among creatives is nothing new, however I feel a surge in women following the steps of Eartha Kitt, (me included) accepting a fate of solitude, rather than compromise.

After multiple experiences of long-term monogamous dating and working on dynamics that ultimately failed; I snapped. As of today, I only have room for my ambitions. “dating” will be a series of adventures with no future of settling down. I plan to have a child with the intention of co-parenting or raising a child alone.

Why, you ask? Because I have evidence that men will always look out for themselves and never show the same level of support, love and obsession that I’m capable of showing. I’m no longer devoted to the idea that someone will match me. I will love my way without a call to commitment. Because it’s easier for me to process without provoking a rise in attachment.

I recognize my triggers that reveal my anxious attachment style in relationships. Before understanding this pattern, I didn’t realize my fear in connection all together. I didn’t have a solid foundation in trust throughout my childhood, which affected my bonding skills as an adult.

And looking at the dating world as a whole, I’m not the only one experiencing the dullness of passion for dating exclusively. Some of us are tired of following the rules and want to remain in a space where we have a bit more footing, rather than leaping into a relationship and sharing a life with someone.

Heartbreak is a painful journey to self-enlightenment, and it comes when all defenses are down. At 32, I’m not hearing wedding bells anymore. I’m not feeling like I have a soul mate. I no longer want to celebrate any anniversaries. The flame for someone to be my person is no longer flickering. I’m starting to feel a pull for solitude and intentional co-parenting.

As beautiful as some relationships are, there is deep anguish lurking in the shadows, for all parties involved. The personal suffering is to strip away the delusion and expose the bone of what you really desire. You can realize in mid stride of a relationship; you don’t desire the person you’re now connected with.

Now a knife appears in your hand, and you have to decide to kill the relationship or kill a version of you that desires a different life.

There is no avoiding it, souls get entangled and fuse together. People harness other people’s life force, money, time and energy. All that you consider rare, valuable, vulnerable is warped when another person that connects with you. It doesn’t matter what intentional barriers are set up. Attachment will happen.  

With technological advancement providing more options and the current state of affairs, everyone in this modern-day dating era, should have a new level of caution in connection with people.

It is an era where you have to define what it means to date for you.